I know it’s been ages since I’ve written, and that stinks- I no longer have a right to give any of you a hard time 😛
So much has been happening on my end. I traveled to Providence, RI about a month ago on an intern recruiting trip for work with my boss, which was awesome. I think I might have mentioned it in my last post, actually, but it bears repeating- the students were so talented, so it was a really wonderful and fulfilling trip. We are now gearing up for intern season, meaning we are coordinating student visas, finding housing, extending offers, etc. Plus, school fashion shows are coming up- RISD on May 10th, SCAD on May 18th, and Graduate Fashion Week in London from May 31st-June 3rd (not sure I’m going to that one, but I am coordinating show and gala invitations, as well as the whole trip). It’s a lot of work on top of my normal, job-filling workload.
In terms of the “normal workload,” I’m in the process of trying to fill somewhere between 10 and 15 jobs. I am SO stressed, but every time I meet with someone talented and see their work, I leave the interview feeling like I don’t have a care in the world. That is absolutely what keeps me going when it’s as crazy busy as it is these days. My job has changed somewhat drastically in the last few months- the responsibility, scope, and exposure. I have in the past found it challenging to view myself as an adult…I was not raised to think of myself as anything other than a child, someone who will always have to defer to someone else. I was raised to give excuses when things don’t go right, because that is what children do. I am needing to hold myself beyond my stature now, and that is both so terrifying and so rewarding. It’s hard for me to move towards growth vs immediate success, but I am learning more and more that when something will ultimately be fulfilling, I am going to “fail” more than once along the way. My biggest hurdle, I think, is going to be in viewing my failures as opportunities, rather than letting them deflate me as I have a tendency to do. I am getting better at this! Hopefully the mindset change sticks. 🙂
On top of all of this, as you all know, i have started hanging out with someone whose company I quite enjoy, I signed up for a choir- whose next cycle starts in May, and I am doing preliminary research on Abby’s bachelorette (I know I have been saying this for a while now, but I mean it this time!). I have also been running more, but only when it’s nice out- now that I actually enjoy running, I don’t want to do anything that can jinx that!
I am trying to be more thoughtful about adding elements into my life that take me beyond a day-in, day-out approach. I feel like so many people have this mentality towards life that “the best is yet to come,” myself generally included, and I’ve started wondering what that really means…like, is that really the best way to look at your world? Why should I wait for the best to come when I can try to make the best today? I realize it’s meant to be an optimistic phrase, but I have started to find it quite depressing, so I’ve been pushing myself to do better. I’ve gotten frustrated in recent months- dating, weight, work, just the overall buzz and overstimulation of the city. In those moments, all (and I mean ALL) I want to do is curl up on my couch with a tub of neverending Ben & Jerry’s and watch Grey’s Anatomy on a loop. Some days, that’s exactly what I do…except the ice cream eventually does end. But I’ve been trying to just keep pushing…push through that awful first date with the guy who bragged about smoking a 10 joints a day by continuing to go on dates with different guys. Push through that day at work where I forgot to do something HUGE by focusing on another work challenge and being more thoughtful. Push through that weight barrier by hitting the elliptical and letting myself sit still and actually *enjoy* the feeling I get afterwards, rather than focusing on weight.
I feel like it’s happened suddenly, but things are just..coming up roses. Work is amazing. I’m enjoying my dating life. Spring is upon us (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because clearly this is the best thing happening now.). Everything is just lovely and amazing and, while I know eventually something will not be perfect, I’m thinking that maybe my definition of “business as usual” has to change a little bit based on recent events. And I’m ok with that.