So, I’m sure you guys have seen by now that I have decided to cease the pursuance of my masters.
I’ve been miserable in my program for over a year now…this was not a simple decision, nor an easy one, but I’ve been forced to face a few unfortunate facts-
1) This was NOT the program for me. Between a school that is a corporation first, institution of learning second, and a program that is more business than people stuff, I am a fish that is so out of water, I am miles away from the nearest creek, much less river, lake, or ocean.
2) I am not set up for success. The woman who ultimately has to approve all revisions of my thesis and say “Whee! You’re done!” accused me of wanting to have my thesis ghost written. Twice. Why, you ask? Because I told her I’d like to send her an early draft of my proposal.
3) Taking time off would get me kicked out of the program, and cost me $830 in one shot. I’m already breaking the rules, staying in the program after receiving a B-. After getting these folks to bat for me (despite their rudeness to my face, they have actually been helpful in action), to tell them now I need time would not exactly encourage them to back me next semester upon my return. Also, I just can’t afford to pay that absurd matriculation fee.
4) I’m an adult now…and that means facing some things we never had to growing up. We come from an area where most kids don’t have to ever think about things like money- how they’re going to afford college, whether there will be enough food on the table. My mom has said “Jessie I found a way we can afford that fee!” But as I get older I’m realizing that statements like that mean we can’t *actually* afford it. I’ve been forced to make some hard decisions I never thought I’d be faced with, but this one ultimately makes me happier, which is how I know it’s right.
Some of the backlash has been hard. My mom gave her “full support,” as she only wants to see me happy…then she realized I’m not taking time off, but leaving. Now, it’s not that she’s “unsupportive,” but rather, she’s “losing” me.
My coworkers have been great, my boss in particular. This program has been an emotional and mental drain on me for a while now, and I’d actually gotten to a place where the thought of entering that academic building was enough to send me sobbing into a dark corner. They get it, they know I tried, and they value the fact that the actual learning from the classes I took is incredibly valuable, even without the physical degree. It means a lot to me that they are taking my feelings to heart and supporting a really tough call that, even just talking about it now, makes me happier already.
I have sunk probably 200k of money that isn’t mine into this degree, which is frustrating. But enrolling has actually given me SO much- it afforded me the ability to move to NYC, it’s how I found a crazy-random job that I love…despite this, the “failed” masters program gave me my life. So, for that, I am eternally grateful.
The weight that’s been lifted off my shoulders is actually making it easier to actually focus on work as well- I can’t be great at everything at the same time, and this is something I am PASSIONATE about doing well. So, I’m off to do that. I love you all, and hope you had fun weekends!